Isn’t it fun to get naked? Even more so if you’re fortunate enough to be accompanied. It’s the next-to-last reward for a good job. So far, you’ve done a great job of getting them to this point. You’ve spent weeks texting them before they’ve even texted you back. You’ve used emojis to help you express your emotions, which are often hard to put into words (the tempura prawn is your current favourite). You’ve taken them to so many different restaurants that your credit card is so hot that you could cook kale on it. You’ve even met their ex-boyfriends, parents, and friends from work. Now it’s almost time to get naked. There’s just one more thing to do: take off your underwear.
There’s nothing like a person who is almost naked to show how little is between them and, well, being completely naked. It’s just you and your pants. That’s why they have to say a lot about the man in charge. So, be honest—what would you think if you saw your underwear for the first time? Read on to find out which pants group you belong to (and hopefully don’t fall out of) for when that special moment comes up.
1. Mr.’s briefs…
You wear short shorts a lot. You like shorts so short that they’re now called “briefs” because they’re so short. Why? Well, that should be clear. You are completely ripped, a Renaissance muse waiting to happen, and a visual treat for anyone who gets this close. The brief makes your well-toned oblique muscles “pop,” and its white colour looks great with your tanned skin. In short, you have a great body, so this revealing style is like a sailboat on an ocean of dreaminess. Aside from the hours you have to spend at the gym, you also have to use whitening detergent. Nothing says “keep out” like a pair of saggy, dirty underpants. Black might be a safer choice, even though it’s not as beautiful.
A perfect fit for athletes who want extra support or people who like skinny jeans.
2. Mr Let Loose’s Boxers
You’re a traditional person who likes to be outside, get up early on Sundays, and… iron. Yes, it’s true that boxer shorts look best when they’ve been pressed, so unless you really like getting steamy with your Philips GC2040 (which has a very appealing name), these are not the drawers you’re looking for. If you do, that’s great, because designers like Derek Rose, Emma Willis, and Sunspel have a lot of options for you. The extra fabric and looser cut make it possible for the print to be a little more fun (patterns on tighter styles are just asking for trouble).
The ideal choice for a well-dressed man who prefers his pants to be loose and his style to be sharp.also a plus for those with a large waist.
03. Boxer briefs… for Mr Snug-Fit
Boxer briefs are a cool choice for you. They are the best of both worlds because they fit most body types and keep everything in place without being too noticeable (yes, we’re looking at you, Mr They are cosy, but if you are, let’s say, an early riser and don’t want to scare the old lady who lives next to your bedroom window, you should avoid them. Schiesser, a German underwear brand, is a great place to put your money. It has been making high-quality underwear with a focus on comfort and quality for 130 years. Its underwear is well-made and comes in nice, soft colours. In our humble opinion, this is the connoisseur’s choice.
A perfect fit for a casual, low-key person who wears both skinny and loses pants
4. Prints and patterns… for Mr Novelty
You want to be a comedian, and you like your underwear to show how “colourful” you are. You miss the glory days of your teens when you could wear a bunch of Looney Tunes characters or well-placed arrows on your clothes and no one would care. Women don’t seem to find it funny anymore. The “Large Package Handle With Care” pair was a bad choice for a first date, that much is clear. When you go to the post office, that lady from accounts now looks at you with pity (genuinely large packages actually exist there). Patterns and prints should be good enough, but who do they think they are kidding? Paisley over a pair with “Pull Down in an Emergency” written on them? Pah!
No one is a good match. Anywhere, at any time. But if you like patterns, you can get help from people like Tom Ford.
5. Mr Commando has nothing…
No underwear is always a bit of a surprise when someone goes through your pants without your permission. You’re the kind of person who likes to move quickly and live on the edge. You are also not Jewish, that’s for sure. Sans-serif pants are a good choice for people who don’t mind cotton, canvas, wool, or (and this makes us cringe) zips. Lucky for you, sweatpants are now widely accepted and even encouraged, especially when worn with a softly tailored jacket or coat. Having no zippers and being comfortable has never felt so good. Don’t run like that, please, we beg you.
It’s perfect for men who have no shame. It may appear to be the liberal and economical thing to do, but you can be certain that what you save on underwear will be spent on washing pants.
